My mom is such a bitch, and such a hypocrite. I'm sure I am, too, but you know what...she doesn't even get it. She doesn't even SEE it. I switched to the other line to talk to Mick, and I didn't switch back to my mom. I kind of thought she understood that I'd call her back. Well, naturally she got mad, and started talking about how rude it was, etc. It is. Which is why I get mad when she does it to me ALL THE FUCKING TIME. She said it's like playing favorites, "Who do I want to talk to more?" It sure is, because clearly the people whom she works for are more important to her than me. She could at least tell them to hang on while she tells me she'll call me back, but no.
Yes, what I did was rude. I admit that, and I apologized for it. I just hate when she always blames every bad thing on me. Last night she slept until 9:15 (she fell asleep at around 4:30), and got mad at ME for not waking her up. She never told me to! If you want to get up at a certain time, either tell me or set your damn alarm. We hadn't had dinner yet, and by 8:30 I decided to order pizza (we're at a timeshare, so no room service). It came a few minutes after she got up, and she got all pissed because she didn't like the kind I ordered. Look, lady, I paid for it with my own money and I didn't think you'd be up in time to eat any. If you'd cared so much about eating, you should have set your alarm so you could get up and we could get something to eat.
I can't even tell her when I don't like something she does. The other day I was talking to her about something, and she knew FULL WELL that I was speaking to her, and then she just starts in on her own conversation. I guess I made a face or something, because she looked at me dead in the eye and said, "I don't care that I interrupted you," and kept talking! I was so angry. And she does it all the time! When I went and saw Avenue Q and met the cast, she wouldn't let me talk. THE WHOLE TIME! She kept interrupting me. I mean, this is a once-in-a-lifetime chance and she would not SHUT UP. Plus she kept talking for me.
I've been thinking for months about our relationship, and I'll admit something: I'm not so sure I love her. I care about her on some level, and I don't want anything bad to happen to her, but I don't think I love her. Maybe it's a passing phase, but I look at her and I feel like she's more of a friend I have to obey than a mother. Our relationship is so different for so many reasons, and one of them is that I am so angry about everything that she's done to me that I've never been able to get upset about. We'll fight and when it comes to the part where I get to say something, she won't let me speak. Or she'll tell me I'm wrong and I'm horrible and that she's been putting up with me forever and that I'm so lucky because other people's mothers wouldn't be as patient as her...Other people's mothers would be DAMN LUCKY to have me! Yeah, I may be somewhat of a pain in the ass, but for the most part I am a really respectful kid, despite the stuff I say in here. Trade me in, Mom. Trade me in.
FSU admission gods: I am begging you to let me into your school because I cannot stand one more year of spending every day with my mother. Please.
Why do I always feel bad about what I put in here? I feel like people will think less of me. I should stop caring. Those people aren't my real friends, anyway.