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September 12th, 2004

Ler...lar...la la la la la...

I credit the title to "Popular" from Wicked...I've been listening to Wicked soooo much lately, if you couldn't already tell. I'm doing one of the songs from there for senior showcase. Elphaba is awesome. Anyway...cue the entry intro...

"Do not be too moral. You might cheat yourself out of much life. Aim high above morality: be not simply good, be good for something." -Thoreau

The bridal shower was pretty fun. Lindsay, Kerry's girlfriend, makes me sad. He gave her this ring, and they'll pretend to be married or engaged even though they're not. So tonight I hear her say how her "husband" wants to raise their kids in South Dakota where she used to live if they have any children, etc etc. Kerry is never going to marry her. He's jerking her around like a puppet on a string, and she's letting him! I just wish she had a friend in her life who knew better and would say, "Honey, you're massively deluded. This guy is NEVER going to give it up."

Part of the shower involved writing letters of advice to Michel. What I didn't know was that it would get read aloud...and most of you KNOW how I am! I write a lot, and I'm a sentimental person when the time calls for it (and sometimes when it doesn't). So I basically told her that I was so glad to meet the fantastic woman Adam has been bragging about, and that even though I didn't have any actual advice for marriage since I'd never been married, I always have an opinion...I said how you should never go to bed angry, always make time for each other as a couple and as a family (she's got 2 kids), communicate, and enjoy it. I said how real love was incredibly beautiful and altogether hard to find (those were my exact words), and it appeared that that's what the two of them had. She loved it...everyone did, actually, but I wanted to DIE! When we were leaving, her sister said how nice it was to meet me and then she said that I'd given great advice, and I hadn't even been married yet, so imagine what I'd be like as a wife! That was a nice thing to say. :)

Which leads me to the point I'd been planning on writing about. If you're still with me, snaps to you. :) I sat in front of a little girl on the plane who couldn't have been more than a year old. Then today I saw this little boy about nine months or so old at Ann Taylor. His mom was paying for something and she had him on the counter, and when she was writing he kept trying to steal her pen! It was so cute. Both of those experiences made me realize that we are never as beautiful as we are when we are children. What I mean by that is, beauty becomes a different thing as you get older. It means something else, and it takes a lot more to be considered beautiful by the majority of people.

Most babies and young children, no matter what they look like, are considered cute in some way, shape, or form. Their delicate fingers and impossibly small feet are signs of a miracle, and it makes one realize what a gift life really is. Their lives are marked by "firsts", and their growth is kept track of in permanent marker on the wall. All of it is beautiful. As a child, you are beautiful because you just are, not because you work out at the gym seven days a week or because you can afford the "right" clothes. You're beautiful because of the things you do and the way you affect others. You are beautiful because you represent something bigger than all of us: creation and love itself.

It all changes as you get older. For girls, we suddenly need makeup and clothes and purses to be considered attractive. Femininity is hugely important. A lot of us are told that guys like feminine girls, so we'd better start using makeup and wearing this and doing that. There is immense pressure in the area of physical appearance, and also of development. There's always the girl who developed too slowly or too quickly (hi, I'm Ash, nice to meet you). There's always the girl who didn't care about makeup and didn't want to, or the girl who was too bony or too chunky. I'm not sure what it's like for guys, but I'm sure getting older as a guy carries a lot more pressures as well. Some of them are the same as for girls: being attractive, body image, etc.

As a child, you just don't care about all of that. How old were you before you started thinking about what you looked like as compared to others? Before you started worrying about your weight (mostly girls)? As the generations progress, the age of awareness gets earlier and earlier.

We are never as beautiful as we are in childhood.


P.S. If you actually read all of this, thank you. It's really sweet of you.

School spirit and my lack of it

"Some people walk in the rain. Others just get wet." -Roger Miller

My mom was out until I-don't-know-when at the bachelorette party last night, so she's not up yet. I am sitting here, having read everybody's livejournal and commented accordingly, bored out of my skull. However, some lj-stalking has brought up some important points.

First of all...Homecoming. Is anyone from school going to this? I personally don't care about missing it. I've gone for three years, and every year it gets more and more depressing. I don't usually talk about the lack of a boyfriend (or at least I don't in here...I don't think), but that's pretty much the reason why I'm not going. I'm sorry, but it gets really depressing sitting there during all the slow songs, watching the couples. Usually I'm hoping that a certain *someone*, whomever that someone may be, will dance with me, but this year I don't even have that because I don't like anyone (seriously). Plus it's in two weeks...why that matters, I don't know, but it makes sense to me. I kind of told Andrea that I was going, though...because she invited me to be in the limo with everyone. Mmm...I may have to tell her next week that I'm just not going.

I keep thinking about prom (MONTHS away, I know). I haven't wanted to go yet. I thought about it last year when I thought about all the senior things I'd get to do this year, and I didn't really want to go then, either. My mom will be sooo sad, but I don't care. I might change my mind between now and then, but for now, it's a no.

Can you imagine my kids when I tell them I never went to my prom? They will think that I am such a loser (but that's their prerogative). It's so crazy. I have no school spirit whatsoever. I have a lot of pride in my class (I mean, it's way too cool to stand up and go crazy when the class president runs around and goes, "Let's hear it for the SENIORS!" and everyone has to at least pretend to respect you because you're older than they are and you've been around longer than they have, and, let's face it, their class basically sucks compared to yours)(lol...only half-kidding, my little underclassmen). I've never been to a homecoming game, and the only reason I've ever gone to any CGHS sporting events at all was for the purpose of seeing a guy I liked (twice), and the fact that it was part of a birthday party (once). I never went to any Welcome Week activities, and only to one of the talent shows during Homecoming Week (because I was writing the article on it, I think).

Don't get me wrong, I love my school. I think that m-wing (or what was m-wing...is this whole "a-winger" thing making anyone else sad? It seems like there's no m-wing anymore and it totally makes me sad) is awesome and so are the majority of kids involved in it. I love a lot of the teachers and think it's great how so many alumni come back to be part of the staff. All the traditions that are exclusive to our school are so much fun. What it is, I suppose, is that I don't have a lot of Redskin pride. Is it possible to love your school but not love your mascot and what it represents? I'm not into athletics unless I'm playing a sport myself. Let's be honest, I'm not a social person, period.

I've never actually cared about the majority of these things, but now I wonder if that means I screwed up my high school experience. I don't think so, because I've done a lot and pretty much accomplished everything I've set out to do in high school (except for two things: winning the journalism award again as a senior [I don't think anyone has ever done that], and graduating). I guess the reason I think about this is that I hear the teachers encouraging their students to participate in these kinds of events that I normally do not bother to attend, and they feel that this defines "making the most" of one's high school experience. Does it?

"It's an apology... for being le bitch."

"Risk more than what others think is safe; care more than others thing is wise; dream more than others think is practical; expect more than others think is possible." -Cadet Maxim

First of all, thanks so much to Justice(ness) for teaching me how to use the free text thingie. For the lj technology-challenged, that is the thing on the right side of the page which, for now, contains the lyrics to "I'm Not That Girl" from Wicked. I was all excited when I did that.

Today I went to Paris...well, Paris, Nevada. It's a hotel, the interior of which is designed to look like a Parisian street. The Eifel Tower and the Arc de Triumph are outside. Tres bien, no? My mom and I had lunch there and did some shopping, and then we came back here around 4-ish. I hung out by the pool and listened to music until a bunch of kids using noodles as weapons in the pool started splashing me. Then I came up here to check lj's and comment to them (and do my cool free text thingie, yay!). We're supposed to go to the Bellagio (sp?) tonight for dinner, etc. Today is a free day for those of us not in the wedding party. For the others, they're doing the rehearsal, the rehearsal dinner, etc. Mick and Mason are going to another wedding, which my mom was invited to at the last minute but decided not to attend. The wedding is tomorrow night...and I still cannot believe it. Adam is getting married. It's way too crazy. I bet this is what I'll feel like when my close friends start getting married...oh dear.

Can you imagine us all getting married and having kids? Will we still know one another then? It's a strange thought. Weddings make me think about what I want mine to be like and whom I want to be there and in it. Anyone else think about that?

Layout madness

Okay, people. I totally went to town on my layout, so check it out! All the links at the top are quotes from various musicals (huzzah to me being a Broadway dork!). And it's purple, my favorite color!

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